There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
