i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
