yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
