I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
