my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
