mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
