u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
