fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize