you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You are a genius and a whore.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
