Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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