Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
