I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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