i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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