I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
