Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
