I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
