She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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