why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
organizing the empties. That sober.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
