i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
