i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
