You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
