I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize