Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
