it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
