you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize