Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
