I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
