I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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