is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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