My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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