I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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