yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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