My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
