um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
