is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
