i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
