apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Boobs speak an international language.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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