i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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