ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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