What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
