tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All the doctor said was why
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
