Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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