I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
