so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Houston, we have a blender
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
