I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
