did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
