Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
