I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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