just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
and you fell through a lawn chair
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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