Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's always time for handjobs
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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