just survived the first fart of the relationship.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
