my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
