so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
