What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
