well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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