Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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