I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
