you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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