Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
