I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
