first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
