did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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