those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she smelled like a LAN party
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
