four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
