nut hugger
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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