I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
