Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
do nipples grow back?
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