dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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