Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
