Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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