So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize