New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
