Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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