Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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