god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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