I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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