I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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