I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
