I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
