I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
