my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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