my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
