The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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