We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
