fuck your aforementioned shoe
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
