I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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