I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
