Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
