ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
