I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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