it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
