I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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