I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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