you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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