you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
