he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
