Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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