hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
