Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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