in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
