Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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