k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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