You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
