Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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