please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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